Chapter 35

Burnt Out

Learning to live with spine disease.

Chapter 35: Clients

My MRI scan of a degenerative and herniated disks pushing on nerves that caused excruciating pain.

Grass fires are set intentionally in Kansas to burn pasture to create carbon and nitrogen to improve the soil. It is also used to coax certain prairie grass seeds into sprouting that must be exposed to fire before germination.

This is what spine disease can look like at a distance. Sufferers don't always talk, post pictures, or share about the down days.

I prefer not to bring attention to it or identify with it. I still have days I stay in bed and cry, but I rest, get the inflammation down, and move on no matter how many days it takes. Bodies are designed to heal.

I tried hard not to get depressed or have anxiety over my failing spine. Being confined to the bed again was a reminder of so many bad times. I did my best to hide how I felt because I knew it hurt Ronnie to see me down, but I never could fool him. He always knew when I was sad or in pain without me saying a word.

Ronnie didn't like me confined to the bedroom on bedrest, so he bought a big-huge couch that was comfortable enough for me to rest on most of the day.

Most of the hours of the day I spent in pain. I couldn't lay or stand without hurting. Occasinally, I could find an angle that didn't hurt.

As six months' time passed, Ronnie didn't want me to get depressed and wanted to bring the outdoors in for me, so he knocked out the house's back wall to put in a sliding glass door and windows. He worked hard to make the living room pleasant. It helped with my recovery. I was very impressed because he did it with very little help from me. I sat on the couch and ran the shop vacuum to keep the dust down in the areas I could reach. It was the only thing I could do, but it was something.

Chapter 35: Portfolio